GORILLA GRAM

Mick and Jerry grew up in small-town USA.  Both came from broken homes, shared life’s trials and tribulations.  They were as close as real brothers.  Jerry was the comedian, Mick the troublemaker with one bad idea after another.

Mick drifted in and out of jobs because basically, he was a lazy, good for nothing.  Jerry tried to be a major league pitcher but failed.  Turns out you have to be able to catch and hit the ball as well as throw it, so Jerry turned his ambitions to entertainment.

Jerry began doing standup comedy.  He traveled the country, opened shows for the likes of Jay Leno and Robin Williams but never got his break.  His legendary bad timing earned him the moniker ‘Mr. Lucky’.  Finally Jerry landed a job as a disc jockey.

Mick took a job in the hometown First City Bank as a security guard.  Not exactly a career but hey, it had girls, he got to carry a gun and they had money…lots of money!  The place was so laid back they didn’t even chain the pens to the counters.   After six years and still nothing to show for it but a tin badge, he quit. 

The day after Thanksgiving, in typical Mr. Lucky style, Jerry got fired from his radio job. 

That same freezing cold day, Mick woke up with a new attitude.  He no longer had to go to that crummy job and no one was breathing down his neck.  Mick bundles up and walks to the local convenience store. He’s wearing a heavy coat, gloves and a ski mask.  Well the owner, Habib, assumes the worst and hands over the cash!

Despite Mick’s efforts to clear up the misunderstanding Habib locks himself in the cooler and Mick walks right out the front door.  Seeing how easy that was, Mick realized he might have found his calling.

Both out of work, Mick and Jerry hook up when Mick wants to stop by the old bank to wish a friend happy birthday. 

While Jerry sits in his car, Mick strolls into the bank.  Inside, he slips on a Nixon mask, walks up to the teller and orders her to put the money in the bag.  And no paint packs or alarms!

Mick’s waltz’s out the front door, hops in Jerry’s waiting car and they drive off.  Suddenly, cops converge on the bank.  “Wow,” Jerry comments “must be some sorta trouble at the bank.”  Mick laughs.  “I don’t know why, they don’t have any money.” 

Soon afterwards, Jerry’s gets a good news call and it’s off to a new radio gig.  A new home, great job and things are going well for Mr. Lucky… Wrong, he gets fired the next day. 

Back home again, Mick drops a bombshell on Jerry, “You know First City Bank got robbed by a guy in a Nixon mask?”  Jerry says, “What an idiot.”  Mick says, “I know who did it.”  Jerry says, “Turn him in, get the reward money!” Mick says, “I can’t, because… well maybe I will.  Can ya give me a lift there tomorrow?”

The next day, Jerry drives as Mick, dressed as a Gorilla in a tuxedo, carries a duffle bag and helium balloons in the passenger seat.  They stop in front of the bank.  “Listen, Jerry, you told me to get a job so I did.  I’m going in to rob the bank, wait here.”  Jerry’s in shock.  “I meant a normal job!”  “Well, I’m doing odd jobs. But if I get caught, go tell my mother.  I don’t want her to hear it on the news.”  Despite Jerry’s pleading, Mick heads into the bank.

Moments later, Mick appears walking calmly out the front door, sans Gorilla suit, just the duffle bag.  “I couldn’t do it.  I ditched the suit.  Let’s go to Vegas.”  “Great, you’re a good man, Mick.”  “Thanks, I know.  Hey, you want a pen?”

A wild weekend in Vegas and it’s back home where Jerry gets a call.  It’s another great radio offer.  Life may have changed for “Mr. Lucky.”  WRONG!  There’s a knock at the door.

It’s the FBI.  “Listen you punk!  We know you drove the getaway car in the first robbery.  “What?  Wait a minute.  First robbery?”  “Yep, and we know it was you the second time because only a comedian would be dumb enough to rob a bank in a Gorilla suit.” 

Yeah, life is really turning around for Mr. Lucky.  After a brutal interrogation by the FBI for eight blistering minutes, Jerry cracks.   “All right!  All right!  It was Mick!”

The FBI sticks both Mick and Jerry in a lineup.  Three guys in Nixon masks – including Mick.  And three guys in Gorilla suits, including Jerry.  Jerry gets picked – Mr. Lucky.

There is only one-way out; Jerry agrees wear a wire.  And what better place to rat out a rat than Chucky Cheese’s Pizza?  One problem – no Mick, just lots of people in animal costumes.  Jerry is convinced that Mick is in one of the costumes and goes nuts, ripping the heads off all of them.  Kids are crying, the 16-year-old pimple-faced manager tries to maintain order.  The cops in their surveillance van make their move.  By this time Jerry is covered in different parts of costumes.  The cops figure that is their man and cuff him – Mr. Lucky.  As they escort Jerry out, a giant rabbit robs the place at carrot point.

Outside it is chaos as carloads of animal characters show up like it’s a mascot convention.  Jerry breaks free and runs up to one of the characters and whispers.  “Mick, run for it.”  The character replies, “I’m your friend Tom, Jerry.”  Jerry heads to another character and whispers the same,  “Jerry, it’s me George.  You told us to come, remember?” Finally Jerry whispers in the giant rabbit’s ear, “Hey, find Mick, I wanna get him out a here.”  The rabbit looks at Jerry, “Jerry, it’s me, Mick.”

“Mick, get the hell out of here, take the money, I’ll cover for you but don’t ever come back, ever!”  There in the parking lot, the giant rabbit and the giant rat embrace.  Without a key suspect, the Feds tell Jerry, “This will never go to trial.”  The next day, it goes to trial. 

Outside the quaint courthouse sit news vans from all over the country.  To save his friend, Jerry confesses.  They are escorting Jerry out when a Gorilla steps into the courtroom.  “Your Honor, may I approach the bench?”   The Gorilla takes the stand and confesses then slips off the Gorilla head.  It’s Mick.  “I’m throwing myself on the mercy of the court.”

The Judge, who is also mayor and president of the bank, sees the publicity and ponders.  Suddenly, Habib stands, “Your Honoring, Sir.  Mr. Mick is not being a bad person.  He is good friend and I don’t want to be pressing the charges.”  One after another, people stand and give testimony to the character of Mick.

The Judge thinks,  “Nothing like this has ever happened in this town and since you went on your rampage, the tourist business has doubled. But I can’t just let you go.  Six months in the county lock-up, two-years probation and 1000 hours community service.”

Six months later, a Gorilla walks into the bank.  The employees freak out, sound alarms and hit the floor.  The Gorilla removes his head.  It’s Mick.  The bank president walks up to Mick and pins a Security Guard badge on him.  A huge banner drops from the ceiling.  “Get your free stuffed Mini-Gorilla with every new account—Autographed by Mick.  Mick, who never really cared about fame, becomes know as the famous Gorilla Gram Bandit. 

In Madison, Wisconsin, Jerry stands at a microphone in front of a brick wall.  The place is packed.  “And then he robbed the same bank, again, this time dressed as a Gorilla!”  The audience erupts in laughter. 

Oh yeah, life is lookin’ good for Mr. Lucky!